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Just trying to keep track of what and who.

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I can't seem to get to bed at a decent time anymore, which is making me overly tired and cranky in the daytime. Here it is 3:15am and everyone is snug as a bug in a rug except me. I need to start eating nothing but healthy foods and exercising so I get tired earlier. Hmmm. We went to K-mart and bought some new stuff for our X-mas tree, it looks so pretty. I can't wait to see the kid's faces on X-mas day. I'm watching an old episode of "Bump In The Night" because I was reminded of it by someone on fb. God help me. I think our blazer is on the verge of breaking down and I have no money to fix it or to get a new car. I hope next year after I get a tax refund I can take the kids to Disneyland or something. I've been wanting to take them some place exciting for a long time. I haven't even gotten to see the ocean yet in my lifetime. This weather is really starting to depress me already. Me and the kids stay at home all day bored to death. I feel like a need to go tanning just to get warmth and light. Bloomington is really becoming so dull to me and I'm sick of the terrible weather. Take me to paradise please!

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Silence for once

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I had such a surreal and lucid dream last night. I was with a bunch of people in a hotel and MJ was laying in a bed in a room. We found out he had stopped breathing and a doctor had just checked on him. I started freaking out and said, "A doctor was just in here and didn't realize he wasn't breathing!!?. Let's prep him for a defibrillator right now and someone call 911!" I have no clue how I knew how to use a defibrillator, but I did, lol. I remember calling 911 and trying to give them the address and room number and I couldn't speak correctly. I went back to trying to revive him and he started breathing. The paramedics arrived and his heart was beating so slow, only 30 bpm. I remember asking if he could smile for me and he gave this beautiful big smile, and someone said, "aww he looks like a rockstar," and I said, "that's cause HE IS!" Then I remember him saying he needed more oxygen to keep his heart beating normally. They took him to this ghetto looking hospital that had a swine flu outbreak so I had to put on a mask. When we got into his room there were blue brief underwear laying out for him to put on. LOL! That's all I can remember. This dream made me feel warm inside, but sad at the same time. I feel like he could have been saved if that doctor wasn't such a dumbass. Still missing him very much. :(

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Wheelz of Steel- Outkast

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